How Big is Your God?
When we started to explore the topic of how we tend to make God small, I was thinking, I don't do that, I know how awesome God is, I would never say or do anything to disrespect his image. At this point, I know God was probably rolling with laughter and with that said "let me open your eyes". After the third statement about how we make God small was read, the floodgates were flung open and the tears came. A wound in my heart that I thought I was big enough (yeah right) to heal reopened with it.
Let me tell you, this was one of the most difficult weekends of my life in terms of my personal walk with God. I say this because I was ashamed of how ugly I had made God, my father who had loved me so much he gave his son's life to safe me! ME, the woman who thought you don't love me, because if you did you would not make let me suffer pain. I can't trust you with my heart because you are my father, and the father you sent for me has caused me nothing but pain and this must be what I must deserve since it was your will. But by the end of the weekend God healed that part of my heart, took away the guilt and the shame, and replaced it with a feeling of peace. Peace in knowing despite the awful thoughts and feelings I harbored against Him I was still unconditionally loved and forgiven. God still wants to fill up my cup and it is time to stop looking to others to fill that cup with crap!!!!!!
The most wonderful thing about this weekend was in addition to helping me he also made it possible to for me to get the things I sought after. Many women reached out to me this weekend and I felt like I made some great friends. I came home refreshed, enlightened and hopeful. Thank you to my new friends for not judging me and reaching out with your own stories of heartache and how God has healed you.
I would just like to thank all the wonderful speakers we had during the
retreat. Cheri you kept the laughter in the air, Cathy, Ruth, and Eve God
was definitely using you to help me at this retreat, thanks so much for
your wisdom and raw honesty. The most awesome thing was I got to see that
other women of all ages and walks of life had some of the same issues I
have and some had very different issues. The point being we all had issues
and God showed up for all of us, we all heard the same speeches, yet God
tailored each one personally for each of us. How Awesome is that!!!!!